BEDA Installment Twenty-Three: I’m pretty sure my left knee is plotting to kill me.

About a week ago, I noticed a small twinge on my left knee. By twinge, I mean a small amount of pain on it when leaned on. Each day, it slowly started hurting more, and now if I lean on it for even a moment, of even if I accidentally brush my hand across it, it hurts most dreadfully. I have been wondering why on earth this is happening, and eventually came to the conclusion that my left knee is, in fact, plotting to kill me. Naturally, if it suddenly killed me all at once, somebody would notice. People would get suspicious and dig around. My knee doesn’t want that to happen. The only logical plan, therefore, is for me to die a slow, painful death. I expect by my birthday it will have schemed with various other joints and I will further begin to suffer. The really annoying (and genius on the knee’s part) thing is, bandaids don’t stay on knees. Not long after putting a bandaid on one’s knee, it will inevitably be pushed off. This is not mere coincidence. Have you not noticed that it ALWAYS happens on knees? There is something going on in this situation, something very fishy indeed. However, my knees are most likely reading this over my shoulder and will COOPERATE in the future. I am going to put a bandaid on each of my knees just as soon as I finish this post, to test this theory. If not, well… there will be severe punishment.

At this very moment, my knees are quietly arguing amongst themselves about how to treat this situation. I know their secrets. What will they do now? My left knee is joking to my right knee, “Don’t worry, she won’t punish us, she KNEEDS us,” and my right knee is slapping the left one right across the ligamentum patella furiously for the ridiculous and uncalled-for pun (you see, I’ve been studying for many long nights).

I don’t know what to do with them anymore. They’re like an old married couple, and seeing as they are part of ME I SHOULD be able to control them, and yet… here, they are, plotting to kill me…

Let me try and take my mind off this frustrating matter.

I read over half of Magical Thinking today, which is a memoir by–you guessed it–Augusten Burroughs. I actually read it last year or maybe the year before, without realizing who it was by, as I’ve mentioned before, but I couldn’t remember much of anything about it so, of course, I decided it was time for a recap. Now that I’m reading it, I am remembering it all, but sometimes it’s nice to read things twice, anyway. The sudden familiarities are comforting.

I also watched two and a half episodes of Twilight Zone. My favorite was one about an old woman who never opened her door for anybody for fear of letting Mr. Death in (as she called him). In the end, the woman unknowingly let him in, in the form of a young police officer who had been shot, and she ended up going with him willingly.

This afternoon near the end of school, I gave a picture of a trio of gnomes (taken at the grocery store and printed today in Photography class) to an extremely hyperactice kid named Michael who previously thought I hated him. It read-
“To: Michael
From: Hope
I don’t hate you.”

I hope the message was clear enough.

Well, now I need to go put bandaids on my knees. We have quite a collection of interesting bandages, and so it will be a tough decision. I’m thinking unicorns and caution tape.

Question Twenty-three: Which of your body parts seems the most sinister?

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3 Responses to “BEDA Installment Twenty-Three: I’m pretty sure my left knee is plotting to kill me.”

  1. scuttlebanshee Says:

    My mother says that my big toes are the most ridiculous looking big toes she’s ever seen. But then again, that’s not very sinister; that’s more ridiculous. I’d say my kidney is pretty sinister, seeing as it put me in the hospital twice.

  2. supposedly Says:

    Yeah, I would say your kidney sounds pretty sinister.

  3. scuttlebanshee Says:

    Oh, and I love how Michael is described as an extremely hyperactive kid. That pretty much sums him up. Now he can’t complain about how much you hate him when we’re walking down the hallway!

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