Not to Speak

The following is a short story I wrote this afternoon.  I had a sudden spark of inspiration.  This will most likely be edited in the future, as I am not thrilled with how it came out.

Oh, how I loathe talking. I really cannot fathom how people could possibly speak to others so casually, as if conversing were actually a somewhat enjoyable task. What could possibly be even moderately enjoyable about chancing a rupture of your vocal cords? Talking is extremely dangerous, yet so many people do it every single day of their lives. Heck, a large amount of people speak as a career, even- they get paid to put themselves in perilous danger!

Even putting aside the dangers associated with talking, there is still the risk factor. Talking often ends messily, as conversations often lead to arguments and, as everybody knows, arguments sometimes lead to injuries or even death. Why would anybody risk dying merely for the sake of proving a point? Words can just as easily be put down onto paper, typed up on a computer, or mouthed. I have personally mastered the art of mouth-reading and honestly, I find communicating this way much more gratifying than speaking. When face-to-face with somebody or on the phone, holding up your end of the conversation is often tough. Conversations occasionally lead to awkward silences which, often lead to embarrassment or, like arguments, end in injuries or death. These awkward silences could be easily prevented by speaking using the aforesaid methods of typing or writing. If one of these such silences should occur in these situations, one could simple make up an excuse- a nice, “Sorry, my computer’s being slow,” or a polite shrug and mouthing the words, “My pencil tip broke/ my pen ran out of ink” are both thoroughly valid excuses.

Talking could also be easily avoided by simply making sure that you never end up in social situations. Staying home all day is obviously the best choice- preferably in a secluded cottage with the basic necessities along with a computer and a television and game system, though the two latter are optional. With those items, one would not need to communicate by speaking with others and could be spared from awkward glances when one does not answer a proposed question. Additionally, all groceries, video games, hair styling products, clothing, etc. should be purchases online. So as to not have to chance having to converse with the garbage man, it would be ideal if everything one buys is biodegradable; this way, one can dispose of things in the backyard. This waste could be thrown out of a large tube connected at one end inside the house and the other end underground in the back of the house so as to not risk having somebody speak to one and ask why one is tossing their wilted belongings into their yard.

Of course, one is still able to speak to others using the computer, typing messages or using e-mail to communicate while sitting in a comfortable recliner (purchased online). This way, all communication and comfort liberties are not taken away but one is still safe.

Think about it this way- why risk injuries, death, embarrassment, and opportunities simply because talking to somebody is more acceptable than writing or mouthing words? Exactly.

End of post.


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